The Bottom Line

I will show you the path of life...(part one of Ps. 16:11), as I was pondering the verse for today's post, I got stuck on the word path. Actually it was more of a tug, a tug of unbelief. Sometimes when I read a verse I am overwhelmed with the peace it brings, other times it falls flat (another subject for another day). This time, it conjured up a bunch of questions. What about when bad things happen? What about injury, abuse, sickness, death, trauma, those things happen to believers? Is that part of the path of life? If so, can I trust You God? In your presence is fullness of joy...(part 2) If I don't have fullness of joy, what does that mean? Am I missing the path? Did I take a wrong turn? Am I being punished or disciplined? I don't think so.

In Hebrews 3:17 it says that the children of Israel were not able to enter into the Promised land because of their unbelief. And then Romans 11:20 says that Israel was broken off from God for a season because of their unbelief. Was this punitive? No. I think it was a natural consequence of unbelief. The thing that strikes me about these verses is that they weren't experiencing the presence of the Lord. The promised land indicates the presence and provision of the Lord, so because of their unbelief, they couldn't experience it. The Lord has been showing me over the last year that our beliefs determine our thoughts and our choices, our moods, and even the words that come out of our mouths. Unbelief is the flip side of that coin.

Oh boy, this opened up a can of worms for me. Really Lord, are we really going there again? I close my eyes to pray into the place I know He is taking me. A small place, a child's place, a place of violation, innocence, betrayal and fear, lots of fear. A place where unbelief took its ugly root. A place where trust in authority was shattered into a million pieces. A place that makes me really mad for all of the years it's taken from me in one way or another. Then the picture comes to my mind. Grandpa and the butcher shop. I guess we must have gone there with him, because I can see the meat hanging in rows from the ceiling hooks. And I realize that the picture of the butcher shop isn't just the picture of where Grandpa worked, it is a picture of Grandpa, and what he did to me.  That's when it really hit me, that this, this ugly, grotesque picture is my bottom line. My foundation for the 'right not to trust'. This is what I've based my unbelief on? This is what is keeping me from believing my loving Heavenly Father and His amazing provisions for my life? I am stunned that the foundations of my belief or lack thereof comes from such an ungodly place. And this? This was my way of protecting myself? I am grieving over this. If it wasn't so sad I would laugh. I mean wow, how ridiculous, really.

But isn't it so like the enemy to use our hurts and wounds and twist things around so that it seems to make sense to us, to nurse our wounds, or hide, or judge or just plain shake our fists at God? Or, just pick and choose which parts of His word, we will believe, accept or embrace?

So back to the questions at the beginning. This is the path of life. I just experienced it. He is in it, He is with me. There is grace here, and forgiveness. There is no condemnation. He just fixed my bottom line...and if that is not love, I don't know what is.