Roadblocks!

The Lord, in His own sneaky sort of way, keeps bringing up one word. Joy. 'Joy in His presence' is what the verse says, so when I am living a whole day at a time without joy, what does that say about me? I realized that I can go all day focused solely on the tasks at hand, without having joy. Well, perhaps in the morning, when I am talking to God, and hearing from God and writing, yes, there is joy. But why, when I go to my to do list, does it vanish?

That's the million dollar question. That's the question that has evaded me, most of my adult life. I am a 'git er done' kind of gal. I don't mess around, I just do it! Unfortunately, if you are in my way, you might get a dirty look, an impatient sigh, or on a really bad day, a snarky comment! It's bad enough that I am treating those around me that way, but I just realized that I am equally as hard internally as what you see on the outside.

So what's the deal? Where do I go from here? The obvious answer is prayer, God's word. Listening. Of course, He never fails to answer when I ask. This morning as I pondered the joylessness of my predicament, He helped me to see some things. First, when I leave my nice 'joyful quiet time' to go start my day, my attitude, my focus...shifts. Off of Him, onto me. Off of grace, onto works. Off of Him being my source, onto ME being my source. Then as my attitude shifts to myself, I take on the role of taskmaster, whip in hand...I become so focused on pressures, lists, projects, and oh! so many things to do...that I lose the fun in it all, and with that I lose His joy!

While meandering down the path of Psalm 16:11, He's gently opening doors in my soul, doors I didn't know were there. He's revealing things that need some letting go, things I've carried that I didn't realize I was carrying. Do you ever have so many things in your hands at one time, like groceries, keys, purse, that you forget what you're carrying? It isn't til you put everything down that you finally find your sunglasses, and you were wondering where they were! I guess what I am alluding to is the fact that as I put one thing down, and into His capable hands, I discover other things that I forgot, or didn't even realize, that I was carrying.

Today I am so grateful to see this side of myself...even though it isn't very pretty. But I am weary of the role of taskmaster. I am tired of living under my own set of laws and rules that snuff out grace, steal my joy, interfere with hearing the Lord, and quench my creativity! I am excited to see where the Lord takes me!

"where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom"  2 Cor. 3:17 

When tasks are my master, when tasks are my primary focus, I am not walking in freedom! I am a slave to myself! But thanks be to God, when He invades a heart, a life, He brings freedom with Him! Another verse I've always loved that came to mind just now is,"in Him, we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28), that, my friends, is how I want to live my life!